How you talk about yourself matters in life. It can affect your happiness, productivity, and success. It’s interesting because we all know what we should start saying to ourselves, but we don’t necessarily pay attention to what we should stop saying to ourselves. Whether you are looking in the mirror and talking to yourself, or just reminding yourself of things that you believe to be true about yourself, you are almost constantly saying something about yourself, and your character, in some way. And, it’s important to recognize when it is not serving you and your productivity. Following are the most common things that people say about themselves.
1. I Don’t Care!
How many times have you said this? For instance, you look in the mirror and are unhappy with what you see, but instead of dealing with the reasons you are unhappy you say, “I don’t care!” Or what about when someone tells you that you are mean and you reply with “I don’t care!”
But is that really the truth? Do you really not care at all?
The truth is that you do care. We all do.
It’s easy to act like you don’t care. It buys you some time before you have to face the issues that you are having. But you do care about the issues you are so upset with – if you didn’t, then you wouldn’t be a human being!
You are a human right?
The problem is that we can often give issues less importance than they deserve because we are not ready to deal with them yet. And, the problem with saying that you don’t care is that it makes it easy for you to procrastinate instead of fix the issues you are having.
So, if you are saying you don’t care about your weight, then you are not going to take action on becoming healthier until you admit that you do care. Or, if you say you don’t care about your financial situation, then you are going to put off taking action on that until you admit that you do care.
Stop lying to yourself; stop saying that you don’t care, because you do. Start admitting that you care about your health, happiness, and future. You will be more productive and successful if you do! You will thank me for this one!
2. I Have No One In My Life
It is funny how some people say this even when they obviously do have people in their lives. But even if you truly have no person in your immediate life (spouse, friends, family) then you still have people in your life.
There are billions of people in this world right now. Your life is being lived in this world. Therefore, you have billions of people in your life.
We are all connected, and once you start to look at everyone else as your brother, sister, mother, father, or child, you will see that you have plenty of people to welcome into your life, if you choose to do so.
This means you have to get out and socialize. Make friends. Or, if you don’t want friends, volunteer somewhere where you are around other people and connect on a social level, but then separate after the volunteer gig is up. Or, you can just socialize online with real people.
When you stop saying that you don’t have anyone in your life, and you start actively engaging with the people who are in your life, your productivity and success are going to improve drastically. Why? Because other people are the catalyst for our success.
3. I Do Not Deserve Happiness
Stop saying this to yourself unless you really don’t want to experience happiness in your life.
When I was younger and dating a bunch of losers, I would often say this to myself. Why? Because I felt like it was easier than admitting that I needed to leave the jerk I was with.
Are you unhappy? Everyone should feel good about their life. It’s a right we have as humans. But there are many people out there that are not happy, not even close. If only those people knew that being happy is a choice that they have to make.
Remember, misery loves company. So, if you are surrounded by misery, its source wants you to be miserable too.
I detached myself from my miserable friends who dragged me down with their complaining, sadness, and worry. Then I made a choice to stop doing all that negative stuff that made me unhappy! I no longer wanted to be miserable, I wanted to be happy, and the first step was really realizing that fact!
When that happened, my life did a complete turnaround. I started actively working on my life and making progress towards what I wanted. I started to attract some awesome people and things into my life. It was amazing how much expecting happiness for myself brought happiness into my life.
Then when I took Lifebook by Jon Butcher, it really helped me get clear on my life and what was making me happy and what wasn’t. That’s when happiness stepped up a notch and so did productivity to get the life I wanted.
4. It’s Too Late To Have The Life I Want
Stop saying this to yourself. This is never true. As long as you are still breathing, you can still have the life you want. You just need to get up and take action.
How can you have the life you want if you don’t take action towards it? Furthermore, how can you know whether or not you can have the life you want unless you try?
Here’s my challenge for you: instead of saying that you can’t have the life you want, try to go after what you want.
Start moving forward by taking action and you will see that your life will also start moving forward.
Did you know that many people didn’t get on their desired path until later in life?
- Julia Child, one of the most well-known chefs, was 51 when her TV program first aired.
- Laura Ingalls Wilder, the writer of Little House On The Prairie, didn’t publish the first book in that series until the age of 65.
- Susan Boyle was 48 before she got the nerve to audition and become a superstar.
- Ray Kroc, the guy behind the success of McDonald’s, spent 17 years as a paper cup salesman and another 17 years trying to sell a machine that could make five milkshakes at once. At age 52 he started to build the McDonald’s brand and at about age 59, he became the owner of McDonald’s franchise!
There are many examples of people finding their true calling and living the life they want well after their 40’s. I even went to college with a few of those people!
So, if you are settling into an unhappy life because you think it’s too late, you may want to take a deep breath in and start to follow in some amazing people’s footsteps and work towards the life you want.
Do You Know What You Want?
Many people, despite their age, don’t know what they actually want out of their life. They only know that they want something more fulfilling or better.
We are told that to be successful we should have tons of money, own two cars, own one huge house and two vacation properties, and be free to do what we want – at least that’s the highest level of success. Or is it? Is that really the highest level of success for everyone or is it only the ideal vision for some people?
The truth is that every single person has a different definition of success and how we define it individually is what we should be striving for.
Society tells us that we have to live a certain way to be happy but this is not the case, we have to live the way that makes us happy to be happy.
I have seen interviews with people living on the streets who have millions in their bank but are literally happy living on the streets. No mental problems or underlying issues there, just happiness. Who’s to say that the success they feel in life is wrong?
Some people feel successful when they raise a huge and happy family who stay closely knit together. That is success for them, and that’s okay!
And there are people who feel successful when they have the house, cars, and freedom they want. And guess what? That’s okay too!
So why is finding what success really means to you, without outside influence, really the key to your success?
Because once you remove the idea of what you are told that success should be, you can then focus on what you know success is for YOU, and start reaching for those goals.
Success really has two parts.
One of those parts is being able to look into a mirror and realize that you are truly happy with who you are.
The other part is successfully completing a goal or dream that you have been striving for and feeling the sensation that comes from that.
Your idea of success may change many times throughout your life and that’s okay, but the ultimate way to get there will never change as there is no other way around accomplishing goals – you have to work towards your goals to achieve them and reach the ultimate life you are dreaming about.
So don’t let other people, commercials, ads, TV, movies, family members, friends, or anyone else define what success means to you. Find your own path and start working towards it. This will result in pure happiness and achievement.
5. I Can’t Change
That’s not true. Stop saying that to yourself because it could literally keep you from changing and finding the success you want.
Our life is run by habits. So, you likely have some bad habits that you are unwilling to change, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.
For instance, I used to smoke and I wanted a healthier life for myself, so I quit smoking about six years ago. Anyone who tells me that they can’t quit smoking, even though they want to, is a liar in my books. If they really wanted to quit smoking, they would find out that it is really not that hard. The withdrawals last a few days, and by focusing on the desire to let go of smoking, your viewpoint of smoking changes and you easily let it go.
Changing habits can be easier said than done, but if you have high expectations of yourself and strong desires to be someone better, happier, or healthier, then it can be done.
Once you start to change your habits, you will see that you are able to live up to your desires and expectations.
6. I Should Be More Like Them
Am I supposed to laugh, cry, or be upset? What does that person or group want me to do? Ah I know, they are all laughing so I guess I should laugh too! But it doesn’t feel right because I don’t find it funny. Sound familiar?
The pressure to be, think, and act as everyone else follows us around until the moment we decide to be who we really are. It doesn’t go away like a bad memory. It causes us to feel uncomfortable in our own skin and forces us to pretend to be someone we are not.
I think this is how most people start bad habits like smoking. No one would start something so stupid if it was left to their own mind! I remember seeing my family members and friends smoking and feeling as though they were cool and ‘in on something’ that I didn’t get to be a part of. That’s why I started. I only quit when I realized that I hated smoking and could fit into a crowd without having that cigarette hanging out of my mouth.
I’m not sure exactly when I started to be myself. I can remember when I no longer laughed because that was the thing to do, especially when I found the topic to be offensive or degrading to my beliefs or to someone’s feelings. I start sticking up for the way I felt and either verbally sharing my opinion or walking away from the conversation.
I think that personally I had realized that being yourself was admired and that I had little respect for people who conformed to the situation around them.
It’s like people are running around with multiple personalities! They are cool and relaxed with one group because that’s what the group calls for but then they become loud and annoying with another group because that’s what that group calls for. It’s exhausting to be who other people want you to be.
And when you are constantly trying to gauge who you should be or how you should act you can start to lose your individuality. You start to become unsure of how you actually feel about the situation! Are you really happy or are you upset? Are you really upset about that guy who said something about that girl? Only the people around you can tell you how you feel by how they act or feel.
There is a video online about a guy who is supposed to pick between a few answers regarding the length of a line compared against the length of other lines. The control group consistently picks the wrong answer even though it’s obvious which line is longer than the rest. While the unknowing guy sticks to his guns and picks the right answer the first few times he quickly starts to conform to the group’s answers. He starts to doubt his own eyes and instead of resisting the group he joins it.
This is a simple test that shows how easy it is to lose your opinion or belief because you are not fitting in. But if this were a life and death test, then he would be joining the doomed instead of being the sole survivor. That’s why it’s important to be yourself.
Just because everyone else says something doesn’t mean it’s right for you, and just because everyone else does something, it doesn’t mean it’s right for you. You have your own way in life and that’s what makes you unique and special and helps you be successful in life. You see what others cannot see. You do what others cannot do.
Some of the most individual people are also the most influential and world-changing people in our world. Look around and you will see them everywhere! Try looking in the mirror and seeing one there! You will be thankful that you are you, and you will feel free to be yourself.