A happy and healthy marriage is something we all strive for. Our spouse is the one person in our lives who can lift us up, support us, and understand us like no one else. If your marriage has gone downhill, then you may be trying to save your marriage. But, is it worth saving? And how can you bring it up to a point of happiness? The following 6 quotes are important to remember as you work through this process.
1. Don’t Create Or Buy Something To Save Your Marriage
Having a child to save your marriage only guarantees you’ll end up living with TWO people who can’t stand you. – John Fugelsang
People do this. You may even be thinking about it. If you are, stop.
If you don’t fix the root issues in your marriage, a child, a house, a car, or anything else is not going to save your marriage, it’s only going to be something else to deal with as you go through the same marital problems.
Do not try to bring something into the marriage to make it better. It doesn’t work. Don’t add more potential problems. Fix the issues you are having.
2. Time To Grow Up
Calm down. Grow up. Get Closer. – Hal Runkel
Such a simple but important quote to remember when you are trying to save your marriage. You need to calm down and be mature in order to get closer. You need to stop reacting and start talking. You need to be honest and put how you feel on the table so that you can work through the issues you are having.
Hal Runkel, the author of Choose Your Own Adulthood, has great advice for when nasty words are being thrown around in a marriage. He says that instead of firing back with something that hurts your partner the way you’ve been hurt, you simply tell them that their words hurt you. You don’t exasperate the fighting by firing back. You tell them that their words hurt and avoid adding fuel to an already hurtful situation. This can help you both step back and have a conversation instead of a fight that could result in the demise of your marriage.
3. Sometimes We Want What’s Bad For Us
If your soul, body or mind is threatened in any way by your marriage, you need to go. Leave your marriage and save your soul. – Glennon Doyle
This is a great quote to remember when you are trying to decide whether to save your marriage or to end it. Especially if there is physical or emotional abuse present.
Sometimes we stay in a marriage that is depleting our mind, body, and soul because we think we need to stay in it for some reason. But, staying in a marriage that is hurting us is telling ourselves and our partner that it’s acceptable, and before long it becomes a way of life that we have accepted and have a hard time getting out of.
Staying in the marriage ensures that we are never able to repair our soul, body, or mind. We stay stuck in the same disconnection from our spirit, stress in our body, and anxiety and worry in our mind.
Take care of yourself because nobody else will. Marriages should support and uplift you. If you are suffering, then your marriage is not doing you any favors. As Glennon Doyle says, you should leave your marriage and save your soul.
Even if you just separate to give yourself the distance and time you need to work on yourself as you work on saving your marriage, that’s better than staying in the situation and allowing the suffering to continue.
4. Fill Your Partner’s Needs Before You Decide Whether To End The Marriage
First, fill her up like she’s never been filled up, then decide. – Tony Robbins
This quote is taken from the following video, where Tony Robbins talks to a man who is struggling with his marriage. I suggest all women and men who want to save their marriage watch it. It’s a reminder that you may be focused too much on what you are lacking and not enough on what your partner is lacking. Often, when you can give your partner what they want, they will be more likely to give you what you want. Yes, you will be the one who has to give first, but that’s a mature decision you will have to make if you really want to save your marriage.
5. Value Your Marriage
My marriage would trump any and everything. This is why divorce rates are so high. People don’t value their marriage. – Joshua Harris
If you want to save your marriage, you have to put it above other things in your life. This is why Tony Robbins’ advice is so important. It forces you to put your partner first for 90 days, and then – after you’ve truly put your marriage first – decide whether or not it’s worth saving.
Is it worth putting your marriage at the top of the totem pole? Always! A healthy marriage is good for you, and being in an unhealthy marriage is bad for you. So, make your marriage, which will affect the rest of your life, a priority so that you can live happier and healthier.
6. Tackle The Important Issues Causing Problems
Give yourself permission to deal with the issue. – Dr. Phil
Sometimes we focus on things that don’t matter and miss working on the bigger things, the things where the hurt and problems stem from. I don’t know what your big issues are. You do, though. So, you need to give yourself permission to ‘go there’ and talk about those things you haven’t resolved yet and would rather just keep tucked away in the back of your mind. Following is a clip of Dr. Phil on the Oprah show talking to a couple who needed to ‘go there’ and talk about what was really causing the conflict in their marriage.